Mum, Girls and My Boy.

I need to learn to come here when I'm feeling joyful. Not jsut when I'm feeling nostalgic or sad.

I'm sad tonight. My heart is sad.

I really miss so many people. I miss my Mum probably most of all. I know how terrible that sounds with Tommy being deployed - believe me, he's a very close second.

...But I still miss my Mum. She's just a cool cat. She listens when I call her in the middle of the night, and she's never (visibly) frustrated at how often that happens. She listens to ALL my little stories and vents. She's just... my Mum. And I love her.

You know whats pretty rad? I now know how much my Mum loves me, because I know how much I love my son. It's true, that saying. The one that says "You never know how much your mother loves you until you become a mother..." It's true. You don't even realise that any single person can contain that kind of love inside their hearts, until you have that love inside you unleashed.

I think it makes me love her more, too. It also helps me understand her.

She's a great Mum. And I love her.

I miss my best friends. My best three girlfriends. What wouldn't I do for a night with the three of them? Or any single one of them? That list is probably pretty short. It's funny - all three of those amazing women are from different circles, different parts of my life. They're all so different as well. But they all are so similar to me. As I sit here and really think about it, I guess they perfectly fit the different sides of me... Woah, deep Erin. I'm lucky, though. I'm lucky that I can sit here and know I have three BEST friends. Best usually means number one. There usually can only be one "best" - but I couldn't divide these women as to who is a better friend to me. They're all the best. They're all so accepting of me. Of my flaws. They're all there for me whenever I ask. They're all the best.

...And I miss my husband. He's my best, too. He's another side of me, too. He's a good guy, my husband. A great guy. He's funny, smart, silly, kind, brave. He's accepting and gentle. He's firm and considerate, with seemingly endless patience. He's just a really good guy.
Tommy is the perfect partner for me. We have enough in common that we don't argue (except for the subject of housework - of course) but enough different that we have lots of talk about.
I miss talking to him. I'd probably ramble on about all of this to him if he was available.
Damn this deployment for making my husband so inaccessible. It is breaking my heart.

/end rambles

Wesley's Birthday!!

I've had a lot of people ask me for ideas for Wesley's rapidly approaching second birthday.

Firstly I'd like to say: Wesley is a very spoilt boy. He has everything he could ever need, and want, courtesy of his parents! LOL!

But secondly, we understand that people do like to send and give gifts on his birthday and Christmas, and we certainly don't want to appear to be ungrateful or ungracious. We appreciate that you love our son so much <3

So, if you're looking for ideas of things he would like, but doesn't already have (nothing worse than a double up!) here is a link to his amazon.com wishlist

http://amzn.com/w/2YNALYJF8ZT66

Love <3

Pros and Cons

Tommy is [most likely] going to be sent to IDC [Independent Duty Corpsan] school in the San Diego, California, next year.

He's excited about the prospect of going. He's excited for the challenge. He's excited for what it will mean for his career. It's all wins for him.

I'm not excited about moving only 2 1/2 years after we moved to Virginia Beach, and only 18 months after we finally moved into this house. Where we finally feel settled, and our house feels like a home.

I'm not excited about leaving my friends here in VA Beach, and my friends from Okinawa, who finally moved close by. (Ok, not CLOSE-close - but 200 miles is not THAT far away!)

I AM excited for living close to LAX. I AM excited for airfares home to Australia that are literally HALF the price they are from the East Coast of the US. I AM excited for all the layovers being gone from trip. One 14 hour flight from LAX to BNE. I AM excited for the things we could do and see if we lived in San Diego... DisneyLand, San Diego Zoo, etc...

*sigh*

This is the Military Life.

Hard Times

When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard...

...to listen to his son whine about being bored.

...to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.

...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep.

...to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.

...to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower.

...to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.

...to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.

...to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.

...to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.

...to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.

...to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.

...to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.

...to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house.

The only thing harder than being a Soldier...

...is loving one.

Blog Fail.

So clearly I failed when it came to posting pictures of my weekend down in North Carolina. Forgive me?

It took exactly four hours to get down there - it was a nice, easy drive. No traffic, and lots to look at.

Wesley didn't sleep exactly as planned - but it ended up being quite okay :-)

I do have lots of photos - but most of my family and friends will have seen them on facebook. No need for doubling-up!

In fact, we're headed back down to visit Sara and Sophia on Thursday again!!

Wesley and I have been keeping very busy since we've been back from Australia. Trying to pass the time as quickly as we can while Tommy is gone.

...We're about 23 weeks down now... if only the Navy would tell us how many we have left!!

Look out!

Tomorrow I am driving down to Jacksonville, North Carolina. It's about a 4 hour drive, which isn't too bad at all! The plan is to leave at Wesley's naptime, so he can at least sleep some of the way. *fingers crossed*

I'm really excited - my two best friends from Okinawa are now stationed at Camp Lejeune - the Marine Corps base in J'Ville, NC. I haven't seen Sophia since we left Okinawa in December 2008, and I've not seen Sara in 12 months.

I will, hopefully, take lots of photos and will post them when I get back.

I'm driving back Monday, as Wesley has "kindy" on Tuesday. But that's a whole other blog. I'll get to that when I get back, too!

Torn

I'm so blessed. More blessed then I deserve, and certainly more than I have any right to ever expect.

I have the greatest, most supportive, funny friends on this planet - and my family, well, they're out of this world. I have the greatest man I've ever known as my husband, and we produced this amazing, amazing little person who I get to raise and love and there aren't words to express that joy, either.

Let me start with that. Because otherwise this may seem quite self-pitying. It's not. I know how blessed I am, and I'm grateful. Beyond grateful, really.

However there are some days where I just feel so torn.

My husband is American. He serves in the United States Navy. He loves his job. He is fiercely proud of his country, and what he does. That passion and fire is part of what I love about him. I would never ask him to deny that part of himself, and stop what he does. I love and respect him too much to do so. Also, that would essentially end a part of who he is. I couldn't do it even if I wanted to.

Though, with the American husband, comes a life away from Australia. MY home. A place that I am fiercely proud of. A place that is a part of me, as much as America is a part of my husband.

I know I've said it before - I love this place. To the bone.

I love my friends here. Friends who I share a lifetime of memories with. Friends who are unconditionally supportive of my choices. Friends who never waiver. Gosh, I am so lucky.

...And then, here is my family. I'm a family orientated person. Family is my number one priority in life. They're as much a part of my heart and make up as Australia is. More so, actually. Much, much more so.

So, why do I leave? How do I leave, if there is so much anchoring me here, in Australia? (My awesome husband aside.)

I have friends in the US, too.

Friends who mean as much to me as my life-long Australian friends. Friends who have a special place in my heart, too. They are irreplaceable and are just as incredible. They are just as supportive, just as funny, and get me just as well.

My heart lives in two places. In the US with my phenomenal friends there. (Though, there is no emotional draw to the place for me, other than my friends) (And the shopping. But that's a whole other blog entry right there...)

And then I'm pulled towards Australia, my family and my friends here. And honestly, that pull is a LOT stronger, for obvious reasons.

How can I be content in either place, when there is a part of my heart somewhere else?

Four Years Ago, Today.

My husband and I became husband and wife on this day, four year ago.

I remember the excitement and the anxiety that everything wouldn't go exactly according to plan (I'm a planner!)

I remember it all fading away when I walked down the aisle and saw him standing there smiling at me.

I remember forgetting everything except the thought "He had his hair cut!" (Odd thought for a wedding day, I'm sure! But a lot of things about me are odd!)

I remember thinking "I won't cry." And, then crying as I said my vows. Crying because the feeling in the pit of my stomach as I made promises to him was so overwhelming.
(There are no words to exaplain that feeling.)

He's still, even more so actually, my very best friend. He's my favourite person to spend time with. He's the best person for me. He makes me feel like the best version of myself. He brings out all my good qualities, and loves me despite my less-than-stellar traits. He's awesome. AWE.some.

So, here are a few happy snaps from the day, to help celebrate a very important day in our life!

Here's to a bazillion more!

On Family, Friends, AUSTRALIA.

I'm home in Australia while Tommy is off playing Navy in Afghanistan. I miss him. Every minute of every day. Being home is a welcome distraction from that.

But.

Being home is both incredibly wonderful and incredibly difficult all at the same time.
I'm blessed with wonderful people in my life - family, and friends who are so loved and cherished, they ARE family in my heart.

Moving away from Australia when I married Tommy opened my eyes to who my true, life long friends were - and those who were merely friends of convenience fell away.

At first this hurt me - very deeply - until I realised how blessed I was by the number of people still standing my life, supporting me, making me laugh and listening to my endless rants. (Yes, I'm a ranter... I'm also bad at interrupting people when they talk. I'm working on this, people! I promise! Along with my other faults. I'm a work in progress!)

So coming home to Australia is bitter-sweet in that my deep, almost limitless love for these friends (and family - but that should go without saying!!!!) is... almost renewed - but more than that, it's reinforced. And it's hard to have love in your heart for people - and then leave. And even harder to miss them.

I'm a strongly emotional person - for better, for worse. I feel everything intensely. Love, anger, sympathy, anxiety, everything. So when my heart misses someone, it often feels completely over whelming. Desperate and... depressing. Like a big, dark cloud on my heart.

Another bitter-sweet side of coming home to Australia is the emotional attachment I have to this place. Where I grew up, all the memories I have here, the comfort smells, sounds...

For example - it's not joke or exaggeration that the sky is brighter and bluer in Australia. In the US, and even in Japan, the sky seems whiter. Paler. And the sunlight definitely isn't as bright. I know after experiencing different places in the world that sunglasses are a necessity when I come home.

No where else in the world can I wake up to the sounds of magpies and cockatoos in the morning.

No one where else in the world has that crisp, clean, cutting smell when it starts to rain.

Also, almost everywhere I go in this city, I can look at and remember "Something happened in that place with someone I care about." It really is such an emotional attachment for me.

It wasn't ever easy leaving Australia, not knowing when I would move back and make roots again, but the struggle was lesser when I was living in Japan.
Japan was an adventure. It was exciting. Beautiful. There was so much culture. Some much to explore. So much to learn. Wonderful people and wonderful food. It wasn't HOME - but it was a close second. And not only that, there was an emotional attachment there, too. It was the first place my husband and I lived, together. OUR first home. And our son was born there. How could I not be emotionally attached there?

I'm finding it very hard to face going back to the United States. I find it a nation fairly... well, to me at least, its no comparison to the country where I was LUCKY enough to be born and raised. And the country I so fervently defend, and am proud of and love with a bigger part of my being then I could ever express. (And thankfully, my husband loves, too!)

To my friends and family here, the ones who tolerate me at my worst and love me at my best, the ones who go out of their way for me, the ones who stay close by, even when we're far apart, the ones who make me laugh so hard my belly hurts, the ones who know me as well as I know myself, the ones who have more memories of a life growing up together, then not, the ones who I would do just about anything for - I am thankful for you every day and I LOVE you. I really, really LOVE you.

Photos on Picasa

Hi everyone!

I realised today that I have been BEYOND terrible with uploading photos to our family's Picasa album. So, today - I spent the day updating it. Over an entire year's worth of photos for your viewing pleasure!

http://picasaweb.google.com/teturtle

Love, Erin

Flood Waters Rising. Taken a 8pm 12 November 2009

Flooding in Virginia Beach:



(My street. Please note: road, gone. Side walk, gone. Grass.... disappearing.)





Creek that has broken its bank at the end of my building.

Christmas is Coming!

I know that our wonderful friends and family want to buy Wesley Christmas presents - and obviously, whilst we don't expect this in any way (he gets plenty spoilt by his parents, everyone!) - we also don't want people who go out of their way to get something for Wesley to buy something he already has (or won't be interested in)

So, after lots of thought, trips to the toy store, etc - here is a "wishlist" for Wesley for Christmas: Toys"R"Us Wish List

If you so desire, you can order something for him directly from there and it will ship directly to us - even if you live in Australia.

I just want to reiterate, that it isn't necessary or expected! Wesley will be getting plenty of toys from Tommy and I for Christmas, as is :-P

End of Month Summary

Just a few photos, to tie up the end of October.

A few from Halloween, a few from our "Learning to Use a Spoon" adventures and a few from this week, when Wesley has been feeling really sick :-(

We're not sure what is making Wesley so sick - we've got another appointment tomorrow - but ibuprofen, along with a general antibiotic seem to be helping him feel a little better.

And last... A Bonus shot of a boy and his Daddy!

Lots of Photos!

As I said in my last post, Tommy and I have been treating this extra time as a gift! So, we've been getting out of the house as much as possible and spending time together as a family and having lots of fun!

Here are is a LOT of photos!

First Stop: Gymboree Class (Loud and Quiet Noises!)

Banging on the drum with Mama - then climbing on the drum!


Next Stop: Fall Festival at Hunt Club Farm



Feeding the Sheep

Chasing one of the Turkeys!


Wesley First Ferris Wheel Ride! He loved it!


His first Pony Ride. He's a cool cowboy!


Next Stop: "Open Gym" at Gymboree





Last Stop: Another Trip to Hunt Club Farm for More Fall Festival Fun! :-)
(Fewer Photos, because you've seen the Fall Festival already, LOL!)



Picking out Pumpkins!

Petting the Goats

Looking at the Llama with Daddy and his little friend, Carter!

On the Hay Ride :-)

Sitting the MASSIVE pile of hay!

Our happy little family!


And lastly - eyeing off an EVIL chicken.